Sekrit Rools: John Ringo

The following is a parody for humor purposes only: it is not an in-depth analysis. For a definition of “Sekrit Rool” go here

John Ringo is in fact a favorite writer, though I don’t read a lot of his books anymore because he’s a writer with many axes to grind–and I vehemently disagree that certain of those axes need to be ground. That said, if you really like explosions and action-adventure, Ringo is probably a writer you’d like. (As long as you have a nice fluffy pillow when something you read makes your head hit the desk. There’s a reason why “OH JOHN RINGO, NO” became a meme.)

1. Explosions are AWESOME SAUCE!

2. The aliens will be thinly disguised archetypes for belief systems and political ideals that the writer believes to be BAD AND WRONG HEADED. (Which may be no different than other writers, but notable much in the way being hit over the head with anvil is notable.)

3. There will be “ivory tower” or “enlightened” aliens or post-humans who are basically the Ancients from the StarGate franchise. (To the point you will start calling the “Aldenata,” “Alteran.” )

4. The writer reserves to right to include a character who the reader suspects is actually Hillary Clinton.

5. Gratuitous main character thumping is mandatory. And fun!

6. Only girls get Stockholm Syndrome because it’s a survival trait for wimmens! 😀 (This was a major talking point in a novella he wrote actually.)

7. When in doubt, BLOW IT UP!!

8. Ringo female characters=Heinlein female characters. (Read: Mary Sues.)

9. Minority characters will tend to be written as if the writer had a quota of minority characters he had to include in the story. (No, really, he once had a character with a Korean name I think, and a pov character discovered that the character was a homosexual because he was reading over the guy’s shoulder and realized the Korean guy was reading a *homoerotic book. You could almost hear the writer ticking off the little squares on his list.)

10. Humorous dialects are GO!

11. The only thing more fun than blowing up things/places/people is red shirting fans!

12. The writer has axes! Watch him grind them! Grind, writer, grind!

13. The writer desires to share his vast wisdoms concerning the fairer sex with you. If you happen to be of the fairer sex, you may not agree with his assessment.

14. Explosions are the best thing EVER!

*Dear Mr. Ringo, reading a homoerotic novel doesn’t actually indicate you are queer. It means you like slash.



Filed under Meta, Sekrit Rools

2 responses to “Sekrit Rools: John Ringo

  1. Heh. Also? EVERYONE likes Kipling and the same obscure DragonCon bands Ringo does, even if it makes no sense. Just 'cause.

  2. *snerk* I didn't know about the obscure DragonCon bands bit though…

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