Reading Homestuck Part Four: ==> John: Refuse to Walk the Plank

From here to here.

The unknown director of John’s actions directs him to take a towel and go out to the balcony. John’s job at the moment is to translate these wordy and badly requests into reasonable directions. This proves to be somewhat difficult. The director is not familiar with the game jargon and the narrator is less than helpful. (The director is asking John to do things that Rose is supposed to be doing.)

Rose creates a walkway from the balcony to the PDA which is out on a little outcrop some distance below the house, which is situated on a sort of mesa. The director tries to get John to get onto the cat walk, but John is understandably reluctant, since it’s a thin, narrow plank with no hand rail. (Seriously Rose, you’re not even trying to build to code here, are you?)  After some argument, the director relents somewhat, telling John to proceed at his own pace.

John edges out onto the walkway to where the PDA is located, and Rose is able to transfer the PDA from the outcrop to the walkway. On the PDA is a messaging program called Serious Business and several entries from people who seem overly concerned about the state and safety of their wardrobe. The handles of the speakers are pipefan413, fedorafreak, greyslacks66, wellPressedAttire and officeurchin1280. (Dad appears to be pipefan413 I am not sure who the others might be.)

After a brief communication with Rose where John mentions the mysterious voice that’s directing him to do stuff, John tries to head inside. The voice directs him to jump from the walkway to the car, but John understandably refuses. The narration complains about the director and asks “who are you?” The next ==> command states that the next part takes place a few years in the future, but not many.

We see a tunnel, and a hatch with a Skaia symbol in green on it. Inside this bunker like place is a raggedy Wayward Vagabond. If you click on the link, you will discover that he is the source of the mysterious voice in John’s head.

Next is a continuation of Rose’s walkthrough. Her narration has a lot of snarky commentary and is possibly a little too clever for its own good, but it gets the job done and focuses the attention on how screwed the prospective player is. The next ==> command shows up exactly how potentially screwed Our Heroine is.

What we see is a meteor shower, rain and a burning forest. Despite the doom she is currently facing, she continues to help John. (Rose is also receiving directions from a mysterious director.)  She attempts to do a second prototyping of the kernelsprite with a Betty Crocker box. John, who has a deep, overwhelming hatred for all things Betty Crocker does not approve, and neither does the kernelsprite. The second item she tries to prototype the sprite with is John’s Colonel Sassacre joke book. This doesn’t work either.

The book being dropped results in a vibration that knocks the urn full of Nanna’s ashes off the mantelpiece and onto the kernelsprite. When John enters the room the ash urn is empty and there is no sight of the sprite. The next scene involves getting the server copy of the game out of the car. (And thus, hopefully save Rose from being burned alive or smashed by meteors.) John’s trip upstairs is briefly interrupted by Nannasprite who is extremely cheerful and plays silly pranks. John continues upstairs where he is interrupted a second time, this time by turntechGodhead, who wants to share his latest rap with John. John however is not very interested because of the entire “save Rose from become a crispy critter.”

When he gets back to the balcony, Rose is texting him again. Rose’s master plan is to lift the car up to where John is so that he can get the game. Unfortunately, Rose loses her connection, and the car plummets toward the ground. (Or whatever it is that’s down there.)

This is a very bad thing.

John pesters gardenGnostic and discovers that she is in a fairly dangerous situation as well. They exchange information about their situation, and John expresses his frustration with turntechGodhead’s rapping. Then they end the conversation and John pesters turntechGodhead.

John manages to divert the word avalanche coming from turntechGodhead. He explains his current situation to and asks turntechGodhead to use his server copy to save Rose. Unfortunately, turntechGodhead says that he lost his server copy and the only other server copy is his Bro’s. (And he is understandably reluctant to go take his brother’s copy.) John also tells him to read Rose’s walkthrough, but again, he is reluctant to do this because of Rose’s tendency to use purple prose.

Meanwhile, Rose’s laptop battery has run out, and she now has to get to the backup generator, which is located by the mausoleum where her cat his buried. The unknown director tries to make her knit a laptop cozy, but Rose is a girl who thinks ahead; she’s already made one. The director next has her equip her grimoire to her strife specibus. Rose doesn’t want to do this either, quite understandably. (I am reminded of Buffy the Vampire Slayer where computers and the supernatural–particularly supernatural books–are unmixy things.)

Part Three | Part Five

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Filed under ep synopsis, homestuck, Reading, web comic

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