Authentically "Not Looking"

So, I have a complete and overwhelming lack of a desire to date. This lack of interest has been with me since I was the age most people start thinking about dating. (My teen years were particularly worrisome to my parents. I played Dungeons and Dragons, cared very little for my physical appearance and had absolutely no interest in boys. This apparently meant that I was a lesbian.) This is not to say however, that I never dated. I have dated and had even been in a few relationships. They all ended badly for either myself or the guy I was seeing.

Recently I saw a post on “dating disasters,” and I made the comment that due to being disaster prone, I had been “not looking” for years. What I failed to realize about the blog post at first was that it was intended to be a dating advice post. The kind of “not looking” that the poster was talking about was the kind of  “not looking” where you give up and just decide to have fun and not worrying about bagging a spouse.

When I say “not looking” I mean I am not looking, not “I am arranging a romantic ambuscade.” (Which appears to the the alternate definition of “not looking”) I did not point this out when I received a list of acceptable hunting grounds for finding potential mates, because I had finally realized that the topic was not what I thought it was about. (Complaining about my communication failures is one thing, causing one by trying to explain my deep lack of interest in dating is another.)

Some random fun facts:

  • I generally do not notice when someone is flirting with me.
  • When I do notice, I immediately become uncomfortable with the person flirting at me.
  • When someone accuses me of flirting I tend to become horribly embarrassed and self-conscious. This is because I was not in fact “flirting.”
  • I deeply confused at least one person fishing for my orientation (that I know of) and have possibly confused others. (The person in question later confessed they’d been trying to find out if I was gay, straight, or bi.)
  • The second most comfortable and easy relationship I was in would have gone a lot better if I hadn’t shot myself in the foot.
  • The first most comfortable and easy relationship I was in would have actually happened if the other person had actually SAID something.

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1 Comment

Filed under blather, ha ha no, lbgt+a, romantic disasters

One response to “Authentically "Not Looking"

  1. I too, have no desire for a relationship. My last relationship was short-lived and disastrous. The one before that was a 4 year nightmare. I’m 60 years old, and despite having gained 35 lbs and not wearing makeup or coloring my hair anymore, am still attractive to some men — ugly, desperate men, but men, nonetheless. I am so asexual it’s not funny. I just don’t want a man in my life. Period. People have stopped trying to fix me up…thank God. It took so long to be comfortable just with myself, and now I guess maybe I’m too comfortable, but nothing wrong with that.

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