Reading Homestuck Part Eight: ==> John, you do not say no to cookies!

From here to here.

After a brief explanation from Nanna about the game-cosmology, it turns out that John has jumped to the wrong conclusion. While John is correct in the general concept of this stage of the game in which he must build his house high enough to reach the first gate and from there hopefully rescue his father, he’s dead wrong about later stages of play. He is jittering around rather enthusiastically because he believes that that next stage of the game is to solve the ultimate riddle mentioned earlier and save the earth from destruction. Nannasprite however informs him that this is not in fact the purpose of the game.

Poor John just kind of deflates at that, and he does not cheer up when Nannasprite tells him that the stakes are actually much higher than his “silly old planet.” (The unseen director appears to agree with Nanna.) She does not actually state what the actual goal is. Instead, she tells him that he’s a good boy, and that he deserves a treat. Then she goes through the wall, telling him she is going to bake him some cookies. The next prompt from the director tells him to follow his grandmother. (Okay, he refers to her as the hag, but still.)

John does not like baked goods, and does not want to follow this direction. The director however believes that one should never say no to cookies, and demands that John follow his Nanna to the kitchen. John abjures the idea of cookies with such vehemence John does not realize that Rose is pestering him. The next ==> command is to Rose, instructing her to hit John with a box to get his attention.

Rose complies with this instruction, but John is so vehement in his protests that he fails to react to the drubbing. Rose decides to take a break from John-clobbering to continue her walkthrough of the game. She’s a little surprised to realize how much she’s written so far, even with all the scrambling around she’s been doing.

Meanwhile, the unseen director is attempting to get John to go downstairs for the cookies, commanding in all caps. John however refuses. This leads to more all-caps shouting. John however is adamant and continues to pitch his cookie hating fit. The director is reduced to name-calling. Extremely childish name-calling. John however, is too busy pitching his fit all over the place.

The next link informs us that we’re going many years in the future…but not many. We are finally going to meet the person who has been directing John. We see him tapping away at the keyboard, issuing the command to go get the cookies. He is interrupted by some cans of food and a book of etiquette dropping out of a nearby cabinet. He is overwhelmed.

The next ==> takes us to Rose’s walkthrough of the game, where she discusses prototyping, and she confirms that the purpose of the kernelsprite is to provide the player with information about the game. We learn that the key to getting a useful kernelsprite that can talk (though in a cryptic and circular manner) you need to prototype it with something sentient and/or roughly humanoid, living or dead. This walk through is a work in progress, and we see that Rose has been hit by the editing bug. The next prompt suggest that we take a trip months in the past, but not many.

Rose is talking to gardenGnostic about a birthday present that she’s just received from John. (Apparently, he sent her yarn and knitting needles.) Rose chooses to believe that this is a subtle dig at her tendency to psychoanalyze her friends. gardenGnostic points out that not everything is fraught with meaning, at least where John is concerned. They talk some more and gardenGnostic reveals that she has been working on a present for John for years. Rose is not certain whether or not gardenGnostic is joking or engaging in humorous exaggeration. They talk some more, and gardenGnostic appears to have some knowledge of the game, though this is well before Rose has even heard of the game.


The next prompt takes us to Dave. He is being directed to get his katana. He gets his katana and gets ready to retrieve his brother’s copy of the game. But then he is directed to retrieve the dead bird. There is an [S] included. We see an animation that pulls back to reveal that the bird is several floors down and that Dave’s apartment is in a large building. The scene pulls back even further to reveal more buildings, a luridly brilliant sunset…and falling meteors. (The sounds are mostly of cars and police sirens. Dave is not inclined to retrieve the bird because it is too far down, and the weather is extremely hot.

The next command is for Dave to go into the living room.

Part Seven | Part Nine


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Filed under ep synopsis, homestuck, Reading, web comic

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