Reading Homestuck Part Eleven: ==> Rose: Engage in NSFW Rapping!

From here to here.

Rose answers Dave and discovers that he is apparently buried under a pile of horrifying perverted toys. He is extremely traumatized by being in this situation and is relating his tale of woe and puppet proboscis.  Rose is less than sympathetic, and seems to take a sincere joy in making fun of Dave’s situation. Much to his eternal horror, she even engages in a little slam poetry about it in a way that is definitely not safe for work.

TT: Prong of flesh bereft of home
TT: Found solace ‘twixt a cleft of foam.

(Andit continues from there, much to Dave’s horror.)

While Rose is tormenting Dave, John is directed to examine the back of the first visible captchalogue card. The first visible card is the pogo ride card. On the back of the captchalogue card is a code. This code appears on the back of the card when a new item is stored on it. John is directed look at the back of the hammer card in his strife specibus. It turns out that strife deck cards also carry a captcha code!

The next direction is for John to enter the captcha code as seen on the back of the pogo ride card. From there, John is walked through the operation of the designix,which punches a pattern in the pogo and hammer cards. He engages in a little mad science and eventually frees his PDA from the confines of his sylladex.We’re informed that people have been attempting to contact John for some time now.

The next scene reveals an imp, who is peering through the window.  Then we see a shadow. Then we see that someone has thrown a bath tub at the imp, sending the imp through the windowalong with a section of the wall. The next ==> command is for John to answer his chums. The messages are very short:

TG:PUPPETS
TG: AWESOME
TG: THATS REALLY ALL THERE IS TO SAY ON THE MATTER
— turntechGodhead [TG] changed his mood toRANCOROUS —

TT: John, I’m about to throw a bath tub throughyour wall.
TT: Watch out.

As you can see, Dave is still denying that he hates puppets.

John is extremely unhappy about the huge hole in the wall, but Rose is less than apologetic. She points out that she wasn’t exactly able to talk to him about her plans. Rose tells John that she has made a set of stairs, creating a sort of short cut to the second floor so that John can try out the cards. John is less than impressed by the stairs, which are narrow and lack a handrail. Rose explains that the stairs are navigable and she is saving on grist. She indicates that she won’t have to be so economical in the future if John continues to slay foes and acquire more grist.

We learn that the server player is unable to see any place that the client player has not seen for his or herself when John asks why Rose hadn’t simply built a ladder or stair going through the hole in the ceiling. Since this hole passes through John’s father’s bedroom, a place he has never seen, she is not able to see into it. (She also implies that there might be something John would find surprising or troubling in the room.)

The next command is for Rose to move the punched cards to John’s room. She is then directed to put some cruxite dowels in John’s room. John meanwhile is directed to examine the safe and collect grist. The safe contains another edition of Colonel Sassacre’s joke book, some newspaper clippings and a book entitled The Fatherly Gent’s Shaving Almanac. Why this book and the joke book were in the safe is quite unknown. The paper clippings are for an article about a meteor shower that resulted in some fairly serious impacts, one of which destroyed a Betty Crocker factory. There is a note taped to the wall where the safe had been previously located. The note states: Son, if you are reading this, it means you are now strong enough to lift the safe. You are now a man. As such,you are entitled to what is inside. I know you will take this responsibility seriously. I am so proud of you.
 

The back of the note has the numbers 02-49-13, which John thinks is probably the combination for the safe. He also finds an empty captalogue card. Its code is either zeroes or the letter o. He is directed to captchalogue the card. When he does this, the abstract shape-totem thing goes flying out the window. John is directed to enter the code on the back of the card into the designix, and then punch the card. He has punched the card, which has they empty card inside of it.
He receives a message from Rose:
TT:Wait, John, before you punch that.
TT:Oh.
TT:I was about to say.
TT:If you first took note of the code, then removed the card from the card, you could have punched the blank one.
TT:You would have only burned one card instead of two.
EB:oh yeah, you’re right.
EB:dammit!
He is then directed to throw his hat on the ground in disgust. The hat follows the totem-thing out the hole in the wall. The next command is for him to captchalogue the punched captchalogue captchalogued card.This causes the joke book to fly out the window! However, Rose is able to catch it. It is a very sweet catch. Rose sets the PDA down in front of him, and the unseen observer directs John to captchalogue it. This causes the book to be launched from the sylladex and squishes one of the imps.
Then, John levels up! He is now a Pesky Urchin, and he earns 200 boondollars. The next thing to level up is the joke book. The book is now at the level of One Man Julep Vacuum and it has acquired 9550boondollars. The bath tub reaches the level of Taft-Jammer and gains 490boondollars, but its capacity remains unaffected. The safe, which was slain in battle, is immediately carried off to Vaulthalla by a nautical pyre!

Next, John is directed to go up the stairs, which he is not exactly willing to do. He attempts a ladscramble but falls off the narrow steps. Meanwhile, an imp is climbing up. The next ==> command is for Dave.  

Part Ten | Part Twelve

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Filed under apocalyptic, ep synopsis, fantasy, homestuck, humor, Reading, science fiction elements, web comic

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