Reading Homestuck Part Thirteen: ==> Dave: Stop being the other guy.

From here to here.

Dave is directed to leap out of the smuppet pile like “the one.”

Then he is the other guy. The other guy is John, who is being directed to take dowels and sheets and turn them into a tent. This is definitely a complete waste of time, but also fun. Then the cabinet and the sheet is dumped over the cliff and John is directed to make a totem of the punched pogo card. He is then instructed to repeat the process for all of the dowels and cards, and then for the captchalogued captchalogue card.

Rose gathers the totems and then makes a stack of captchalogue cards, which she gives to John. John starts making items, and accidentally makes a rocket pack! It seems that items on the cards can be combined to create new objects. Unfortunately, this rocket pack is inoperable because there are other items sticking out of it at strange angles. The only thing the pack is good for is as a bludgeon.

John goes through the same kind of rigmarole that Dave went through previously. His unseen director gets him to turn on the “detect collision” option but there is no such option on John’s modus. Instead there are two buttons. One of them is FILO and the other one is FIFO. The next direction suggests that John read the Harry Anderson bio. While perusing the book, John gets a scathingly brilliant idea. He combines two punched cards and sticks them in the totem lathe. The two cards are the slime pogo and the hammer. When he sticks resulting totem into the alchemiter, he gets a spring loaded mallet called the Pogo Hammer.

He quickly explains what he did to Rose, and then experiments with his new weapon. You could almost say that it’s a…

….

…smashing success.

Even if he does go flying through the air. Rose catches him with a convenient bed, so he manages not to get anything broken. He’s exhausted, so he decides to take a nap. The next part has an [S] tag and a brief animation with music of John falling asleep under the glow of the gyroscopic gate.

Rose is directed to “check Alchemy Excursus.” This is an index documenting the results of each punch card alchemy combination. This gives her some ideas of her own.

Rose is next directed to captchalogue the Sburb server CD. She does this, and then sends the captcha code to John. Then Rose realizes that she did something wrong. And then to put a candle on the cake of oops, the generator dies.

Next is an animation. John is dreaming about a variety of things in a confusing jumble. The final image we see is someone’s silhouette, and then some kind of work bench and a pumpkin. Then John wakes up, and sees that he is being pestered by gardenGnostic. They have a very confusing conversation where Jade tries to convince him that he needs to “wake up.” She is not exactly able to explain what she means by this. She ends the conversation with a warning that he has “company.”

The company is a very large version of the imps. (For some reason, one of the imps is hiding with him.) John hides behind the bed and contacts Rose, who is not there. There is a brief direction for John to be the imp. The imp absconds and we are brought back to John who is told to prepare for a boss fight, then he is directed to go to the highest point of the house.

John clobbers the imp he finds there, and then peers over the edge of the platform. Coming up from behind him are two of the giant clown monsters. John turns and finally sees the monsters, which are called “Crude Ogres.”

Where doing it man
where MAKING THIS HAPEN

Dave is then told to stop being the other guy. Much like John, Dave is directed to go to the highest point of the building. This is a [S] command.

This animation features Dave heading upstairs all bad ass, with Lil Cal in tow. We see some fairly dramatic shots of Dave heading up the stairs to the roof of the building. Then we get a “PSYCHE!” We get a brief view of a girl with long dark hair and glasses standing in some kind of greenhouse surrounded by pumpkins. Then we get a “x2 Double Psycheout Combo!” and the scene resolves on our strange and ragged survivor, who is surrounded by cans of food. (You’ll recall that he had been asking John for a can opener. This would be why. Poor guy.)

Our friend is Wayward Vagabond. He is directed to retrieve something. Possibly his arms, since he shows us that he does in fact have arms. He is next told to examine the rotting pumpkin in the corner. Then the pumpkin isn’t there anymore. The next thing he’s told to look at is the little red bar. (Behind him is a panel with a spirograph. Below the spirograph is a meter that appears to be in the red.) This is described as the gauge of a power cell that has nearly run out. Wayward Vagabond does not actually care about this, because he is very hungry.

It’s a good thing he’s surrounded by cans of food, right?

Wrong. There is no can opener, or anything to bash the cans open with.

He’s directed to pick up the cans, which he does. Then he’s told to examine the marking on his wrist. Of course in order to do this, he has to drop all of the cans he’s been picking up. It somewhat resembles a chess board and we learn that this is a sort of specialized barcode pattern. Wayward Vagabond does not like to think about the bar code, because it brings back unpleasant memories. He’s told to examine the plant, but that disappears mysteriously as well. He’s next directed to examine the book of human etiquette, which is much lighter than it used to be since half the pages have been eaten.

Next, Wayward Vagabond will begin an arts and craft project.

Part Twelve | Part Fourteen

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Filed under ep synopsis, homestuck, science fiction, web comic

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