Reading Homestuck Part Sixteen: ==> Jade: Play a Silly Flute Refrain

From here to here.

Just before Act Three, we see that John’s Nanna left him a message inside the gigantic joke book. The message is pretty much a continuation of the spiel already given him by Nannasprite. She explains some of the backstory and gives the game titles and functions of each of the player characters. There will be a Witch of Space, a Seer of Light, a Knight of Time and a Heir of Breath. She also states that all four of them will “Ascend.”


The opening of Act Three is a character introduction screen. There is a girl sleeping on the floor in a greenhouse. The narrative tells us to put in a name. The name that is put in is “Farmstink Butlass.” All attempts to wake her up by the unseen director fail, as she is very soundly asleep. She is holding a note.

The next direction is to drop the pumpkin on the girl’s head. However, there is no pumpkin, and really, dropping a pumpkin on the poor kids head would be needlessly cruel. (So, good thing there is no pumpkin.)

Reading the note reveals that the girl really does not want to be called Farmstink; her real name is Jade Harley. Jade wakes up and we learn a little bit about her. She tends to fall asleep a lot and has an interest in horticulture and many other things that she tries to keep track of using colored string tied to her fingers. The next direction is for Jade to play a silly flute refrain. There is an interactive animation here, keys on the keyboard correspond to (offkey) flute notes.

The flute is definitely not Jade’s preferred instrument.

She is directed to captchalogue the flute. First, she must set her Fetch Modus. The next page is an interactive point and click section that demonstrates the various ways she can organize her sylladex. (They all seem to correspond to board games.)

The next direction is for Jade to squeal like a piglet and fertilize her plants. This earns the unseen director a very aggravated glare, but the next page reveals that she is apparently doing just that. After being directed to captchalogue the fertilizer, she’s told to consult the “colorful reminders.” The colored string method Jade uses to remember is very involved. She remembers that she needs to see if John is online so she can wish him a happy birthday.

She is next directed to captchalogue the pumpkin growing next to her. We learn that Jade’s pumpkins have a tendency to disappear into thin air.

We learn that Jade’s home is very large. She captchalogues some random fruits and causes some minor brain breakage in any reader who is looking at the trees the fruits are coming from and screaming, “but that’s not what an apple/orange/lime tree looks like!” We see a device with a very familiar pattern on it. The device is referred to as a Transportalizer. Jade uses the Transportalizer to get around the house.

Jade goes up to her room, which has a lot of strange looking toys. We learn about her various interests, which includes cartoons, furries, nuclear physics, and various high tech gadgets. She is prone to narcolepsy and is precognitive. She is also a skilled markswoman. She had been taught how to shoot by her grandfather who is a world renowned explorer-naturalist-treasure hunter-archeologist-scientist-adventurer-big game hunter-billionaire extraordinaire. (He is also very strict and tends to lecture her a lot.)

She also has a dog named Becquerel. A dog that needs to be fed, otherwise he will be very unhappy. (She also needs to dig out her computer so she can say hi to John.)

Jade is directed to take the firearms from the wall. We also notice that the symbol on Jade’s shirt has changed. This is because her “Wardrobifier” is on a random setting. (So it apparently just randomly changes her clothes.) She’s directed to captchalogue and hug one of the “Squiddle” toys, but it is drawn to another Squiddle via the magnets concealed in their underbellies, and the two Squiddles become tanglebuddies. (So she captchalogues them both.)

She is next directed to lose interest in fauna and never speak of it again. Jade however is not able to do this, as she is really, really fond of anthropomorphic animals. She is a furry. The unseen director tells her to pick up her toys next. She picks up one toy, one of her Manthro Chaps, and begins playing with him.  The unseen director, who is possibly becoming slightly exasperated, tells her to organize her dolls. Jade gathers her toys into a pile.

The next direction is to change her wardobifier setting. She changes it from the randomized setting to the atom, spirograph and the sun.

She is directed to look out the window, and we see that she is living very close to a volcano. The house is mostly powered by geothermal power, though apparently Jade’s grandfather has access to atomic power. The next direction is for Jade to retrieve her “fursuit” from her magic chest. Jade informs us that she does not have a “fursuit.” She may like anthropomorphic animals, but she is NOT a furry. Also, that is not a magic chest. That is her gadget chest. (It used to be her Oracle’s Trunk, and still has some of her useless Fortunetelling Knickknacks.)

She is next directed to look at the magic cue ball and magic 8 ball. She finds the magic 8 ball to be a frustrating and ambiguous piece of junk, yet she is strangely reluctant to get rid of it. The magic cue ball is supposed to be extremely accurate, but there is no little window to view the answers. Jade is next directed to captchalogue the refrigerator. She also takes the cookalyzer and her lunchtop. The next direction is for her to feed her friend.

Jade clears some space for the refrigerator and cookalyzer. There is an animation where someone (the reader) completely fails to get anything useful out of the memory modus. (It’s a fruit. What you’re looking for here is Meat.) You get another try, but once again fail to get anything useful. (Fruit) By now you have reached the level Yukon Hero: The Legacy of the Frostbite Amputee. You get another try, though Jade is regretting her decision to break the fourth wall. Once again, you get a fruit. Now the author is regretting his decision to create an interactive game.

Jade puts the fruit in the refrigerator, and then dials up a steak. (Bec always loves steak.) After irradiating the steak (yes, I really mean irradiate) she captchalogues it. She’s next directed to check out her bass (which is the instrument she is actually good at). We eventually end up on a page where we can hear Jade playing her bass. There is also an animation where we see that some kind of package is being dropped.

Jade captchalogues the base and then opens her laptop. When she activates her pesterchum there is an animation that reveals that her computer is very advanced and kind of virtually immersive. Her pesterchum display shows that John (ectoBiologist) is online and that Dave (turntechGodhead) sent her a message. We can also see a section of the display called a “Troll Slum.” These are apparently people that Jade does not care for very much. The names in the Troll Slum are carcinoGeneticist, arachnidsGrip, twinArmageddons, terminallyCapricious and caligulasAquarium. The first troll on the list, carcinoGenetist appears to be online.

She pesters John, but he does not seem to be available, so she checks on Dave. Dave left her a brief message asking her if she was awake or not. Jade’s general impression of Dave is that he is soooo cooool. (She may or may not genuinely think that.) Dave sends her a long and rambling conversation full of random wandering metaphors. He also engages in a little random roleplay that is sadly one-sided since she wasn’t online to play. Finally, he sends her some music, which is apparently a remix.

Jade is next directed to open FreshJamz. This is an [S] command that leads to a cute interactive animation where you can play various pieces of music. From this we see that Dave remixes the music of his friends. Next she is directed to open her browser (which is named Echidna) and told to go to mspaintadventures. We see a stick figure version of John, his pogo ride and a toilet. Jade thinks this is a very random intermission thing that does not advance the plot.

The next command is END INTERMISSION.

Part Fifteen | Part Seventeen


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Filed under apocalyptic, ep synopsis, homestuck, Reading, web comic

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