Reading Homestuck Part Twenty: ==> John: You are a Lame Kid!

From here to here.

John finds some unopened birthday presents in his dad’s room. John is cheerfully directed to open one of the presents. It’s fetch modus control deck with a bonus fetch modus and some captchalogue cards! John adds the cards to his deck. Then he is directed to equip the array fetch modus. The array modus enables you to store and retrieve any item at any time. This means it is somewhat difficult to weaponize, though otherwise very useful!

John is next directed to read the instructions for the control deck. However, the user interface is so simple, that there isn’t a real need to read the instructions. All that’s needed is to put modus cartridges into the slots. John starts with the STACK and QUEUE modi. This means that John’s sylladex is now going to act like a both a stack and a queue. (Items can be removed from both the top and bottom.) John then puts in an array cartridge (which apparently has gathered dust). The result of this configuration is that John’s sylladex is now organized as an array of queuestacks.

The next direction is for John to open the smallest present first. (John informs us that he always opens the biggest present last anyway.) The smallest box turns out to be a box of Fruit Gushers. (John is very happy about this!) The final present is a suit, which John tries on immediately. Next, he’s directed to fill and entire queuestack with shoes, then he’s told to captchalogue the gushers. Unfortunately, they end up in the wrong queuestack and John gets hit in the face with a shoe. The next direction is for John to examine the Gusher box more closely. Much to his horror, he discovers that Fruit Gushers are a Betty Crocker product!

John has another mental breakdown. (The next > command has an [S].)

The next command also has an [S], and it directs Jade to retrieve a package. This is an interactive animation where a large white dog appears. This is Jade’s dog Bec. The object here is to have Jade repeatedly shoot the dog, who teleports both of them all over the place. (The dog is not harmed during this, because of vast powers of teleportation.) They are basically goofing around and the fun times end with the dog being rewarded with an irradiated steak and being told he is a good dog, best friend. Then Jade immediately falls asleep. Bec picks up Jade and puts her to bed.

Next, Rose is directed to check to see if she has acquired any atoms from the cat. (She has not.) She looks around the room and discovers that she is back in her home. She also discovers that what she thought was Mom’s bedroom is actually some kind of private bar. (Mom apparently slept in the lab with the bedroom set.) Rose decides that she is not going to have an emotional crisis about this discovery. She looks out the window and sees that the laboratory building is surrounded by flames, but there hasn’t been an impact from one of the bigger meteors yet. She also sees that the smaller meteors are no longer falling. She is a little puzzled, because she had expected the meteor to strike by now. As she’s watching, the meteor descends and the building is obliterated.

Debris from the impact shotgun through the window and Rose is forced to flee the room. The next command is for John to get down to business. We see that John is feeling very businesslike as a result of wearing his spiffy new suit! John begins to work on recording codes for various items so he can begin alchemizing neat things. The next command is for Jade.

She is dreaming, and the knobs on her bedposts are blinking. In another part of the house, there is a large gray box with objects that look like bed posts sticking out of it. The knobs on this device are also blinking! It seems that Jade has a robot. We next see Jade appearing in a room that looks like a bright pastel version of her room back on the island. This Jade is wearing a bright gold nightgown with a crescent moon on the front. Then we go back to the robot which the narrative refers to as a “dream bot.” The next command is for Jade to “obliquely foreshadow the future through interpretive dance.”

While very fun, the dance is silly and actually meaningless.

The next command is for Jade to get into bed. Jade does this, but she does not like it very much. (She is not aware that when she gets into bed, so does her dream bot.) The next command is for Jade to realize she can fly. There is of course nothing to realize–she already knows she can fly. She instead decides to examine John’s birthday present, and then we go to a point in time that is months in the past.

We see John’s house. It is winter. We get a close up of John’s room, and we discover something very, very interesting. The walls of John’s room are scribbled with clown faces, and all of his posters are defaced by various drawings and insults.

The pesterlog for this page is John and Jade chatting about the gifts John has sent Jade, Dave and Rose, and also about the gift that Jade will be sending to John. They also talk about some troll problems they all seem to be having. John (who at this point is ghostyTrickster) commiserates with Jade and states that he plans on changing his handle, to throw the trolls off.

We switch back to John, who is making totems. This page serves no other purpose but to let us know that John believes that the clown graffiti and insults covering his walls and posters are the work of the imps. The next command directs Rose to flee from the room.

We find that Rose has returned to her room, which now has electricity and a stable connection. She has decided to name the cat Vodka Mutini. Rose pesters John. They talk about the fire, which is starting to spread to the mansion. They mention Dave, and they also talk about the posters! Rose is very puzzled to discover that John apparently believes that the graffiti was committed by the imps. Rose states that the posters had been in that condition from the moment she first saw his room. John does not believe her, because that would be crazy. In fact, he completely flips out. Again.

In next part, we go back to WV.

Part Nineteen | Part Twenty One

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Filed under ep synopsis, homestuck, Reading, science fiction, web comic

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