We see an animated gif of Dave’s apartment building. It’s raining very hard now, and by now, I actually mean in the past it was raining very hard, because the next scene shows Dave who is wearing pointy black shades instead of round ones. Dave has just received a present from John, a pair of shades that at one point in time were on Ben Stiller’s face. John admits this is possibly a crappy present but expresses the hope that Dave might find wearing them once in a while to be suitably ironic.
Next, Dave is contacted by adiosToreador. This person is a mysterious denizen of Dave’s troll slum, and he appears to have it in for Dave. (When we get a look at the “trollslum” we see some familiar names!) adiosToreador attempts to troll Dave but Dave turns around and trolls the troll to the point where adiosToreador seems genuinely freaked out by Dave, and promptly blocks him.
Then we become Aimless Renegade. Who may be aimless because he actually doesn’t know very much about guns. The narration points out that firearm AR is using is actually magazine-fed, not clip-fed. AR does not care! He is too busy being outraged by the crime scene he stumbled upon and is in the process of investigating!
The temple and the hieroglyphs there in are displaying highly illegal images of various amphibian and reptilian lifeforms! AR is filled with righteous wrath at these images! He was in the process of finding a way to destroy them when WV and PM showed up. AR is directed to search for more ammo. It turns out there is a great deal of ammo, but it might take some time before he can find more AK-47 rounds. AR is next directed retrieve his sidearms. AR does this, though it’s pretty clear he will need a longer ranged weapon to attack.
AR finds a rocket launcher. It appears that Grandfather Harley is most likely responsible for the cornucopia of materiel. I suppose it is a good thing that the next directive is for AR to befriend the unwelcome rogues, right? AR actually seems to consider the possibility of ending hostilities…but the miscreants have committed a grave crime–they have contaminated the crime scene that AR very clearly marked as being a crime scene! AR is as obsessed with law enforcement (and the justice system) as PM is with the postal service and WV is with democracy! In fact, his ridiculous costume moment involves being a judge with the jury being ammunition.
(There is a brief aside concerning the court apparently being on top of some kind of lift that can’t go down because it is jammed by a musical instrument.)
AR determines that he must blow up the trespassers.
Meanwhile in the distant past (that is to say the present moment), Jade is putting John’s present on the Monument where WV will be able to retrieve it in the future. With the package safely if confusingly delivered, Jade cuts the cable attached to the harpoon and absconds.
In the future, PM reads the letter which gives her some very specific if confusing instructions on what to do with the package. She is directed to take it back to her sphere, but the sphere is depicted as having an extra hole blown into the side, which is not the case! Then AR shoots his rocket launcher, which blows an extra hole in the sphere. (What is pretty amazing is the way that everything eventually adds up and remains consistent. This is a long story with a lot going on and it would be really easy to screw up the story continuity with some of the things that Hussie does with the plot. But eventually, everything makes sense, even if it is a silly, screwball kind of sense.)
AR is directed to berate himself for committing unauthorized demolition. AR bonks himself and seems not able to understand why his “flawless aim” is so flawed. (Answer: You are the spiritual descendent of Barney Fife and Gomer Pyle. Good grief.) AR is directed to “be the law.” Despite his determination, he hesitates, apparently because PM is a carapacian babe. However, he was still distracted, so he blows a hole in the sphere.
WV is then directed to wave about in a distracting manner. WV does this, providing PM with an opportunity to run for her sphere where she is successfully able to send the package onto the next stage of its journey. (Note: For a while, there was a theory that Jade was actually in the future relative to the temporal position of the other three kids. I think a big part of the reason for this theory is the convoluted journey of this darn package.)
Meanwhile, years in the past we see a much younger (and still living) Grampa Harley. He shoots a butterfly. We also see a tiny and adorable baby Jade, who is riding around on Bec. It is her birthday today and her grandfather has taken her hunting. The dog carries Jade to a hill where a box appears! This box is a present intended for Jade from someone she has not met, who says he is her friend. This is apparently how Jade learned about John, Rose and Dave.
The next >command is not a directive. It is a whop. It is a very bright and flashy whop, so be warned. This story transition is courtesy of Dad Egbert who has just punched Jack in the face. Jack is directed to kill John’s Dad! Jack gets ready to do this, but he is prevented by Dad first setting fire to the ridiculous jester hat, spraying shaving cream on it, and then stomping it to death. Out of a sincere sense of gratitude, Jack decides to free the prisoner.
Jade meanwhile, is directed to use her guitar to summon giant lily pads. She gets the lily pads to line up, and hops across the lagoon.
While this is going on, Dave installs the beta. He has a brief exchange with Rose where the meme “where making this happen” is reworked. The next command is >[S] Enter. During this animation, we see many, many things happening at once. Dave starts up the game and begins helping Rose get the game set up. (With many hilarious pitfalls, unless you are the one falling in the pits.) Meanwhile Jade is in the frog temple, where she receives Dave’s copy of the game, and John makes it through the gate. After the animation >[S] Enter we see the huge mesa upon which John’s home stands. The scraggly mesa appears to be well above the clouds of a dark yet sparkly planet.
This is the end of Act Three.