Reading Homestuck Part Twenty Five: The Intermission Where Everyone is Gangsters Pt. 2!

 From here to here.

Droog happens to have several back up hats, as well as back up finely tailored suits. He is the most civilized member of the Midnight Crew and his Brawlsoleum is the ideal storage unit for everything he needs. Diamonds Droog is directed to remove licorice fish from his back up hat. He withdraws a two of diamonds and is relieved that his Swedish Fish are still there. (He has always stored his fish in his back up hat, the rest of the Crew has only recently figure out that this is a good idea. Before, they had been storing their candy in the hat they were wearing at the time instead of their back up hat.)

Then Droog gets punched in the face from the future. The Felt member who did this is “Trace” whose time travel ability is to follow the ‘past trail’ of the person he’s following through time. This is conceptualized on the next page as a vaguely intestinal red line that passes through Droog. Droog radios Deuce for help, letting him know exactly where to be to catch Trace. Then he follows the blood trail apparently left by a wounded Felt member up the stairs.

 The next direction is for Clubs Deuce to follow Droog’s instructions.

 When we get back to Deuce, we see that he has recaptured Doze and tied him up with a Stretch Armstrong doll. Next, he’s told to lock Doze in the Battledrobe. From there, we’re taken to something that is happening roughly parallel to the present events. We see the two members of the Felt playing cards, Itchy and Die. Itchy cheats, so Die jumps to a timeline where Itchy is dead. (The time jump seems to be facilitated by a “voodoo doll” full of pins that Die is holding.) Unfortunately, the reason for Itchy being dead is still there, and Spades Slick beats Die with his iron hitching post. Die reaches for one of his pins, but instead of getting rid of Spades, Die ends up in a strange pink and blue desert with three moons in the sky. The first moon is huge and green; the second is huge and bright pink, and the third is bright pink and tiny, and orbits the large pink moon. (We learn that Spades is being very literal when he says that he made the town.)  

Then we finally come to Hearts Boxcars. He is in the vault and he determines that he will need to blow the safe up so he can get into it. He decides to contact Deuce for help with blowing up the safe. Hearts is then directed to deploy his “Punchbox.” However, Hearts storage unit is called the “Wrathtub.” (Again, it seems that the unseen director is not really able to control or anticipate the Midnight Crew.) When told to take out the two of hearts card, he produces a pair of red wax lips. His obsessive interest is for hearts and he is extremely fond of a magazine called “Red Cheeks.”

While calling Deuce, Hearts encounters Biscuits, another member of the Felt. Biscuits has a time traveling device that is extremely useless because it is actually just an oven. (Biscuits believes that it is a time machine. If it is a time machine it is a useless one because you can only travel into the future, one second per second.) Biscuits is easy to handle on his own, but becomes particularly dangerous if he teams up with Eggs, who appears to have a functioning time-doohicky. (Multiple instances of Eggs appears.)

The next command is for Clubs to follow the path. In the future, we see that Trace has decided to switch from trailing Droog to trailing Clubs, since his path is much fresher. In the present, we see that Clubs is telling Hearts that he’s going to go help Droog first. The Next command is for Droog to take a look around the room he’s in.

When we switch to Droog we see that the trail of blood he’s been following either ends or begins. The room is very shot up and Droog spots a tooth he recognizes as belonging to Fin, yet another member of the Felt. Droog realizes that Fin is about to attack. (Or will have already attacked. Time travel sure is weird!) Fin’s ability is similar to Trace’s ability, except he follows the future trail from the past. Also like Trace, it’s usually pretty obvious where he is going to be. Droog waits and is able to get the drop on Fin because he knew where and when Fin was going to be. Next we see that Droog also shoots Fin full of holes.

The next command is for Spades Slick to rematerialize, which is an extremely ridiculous request since Spades hadn’t gone anywhere. Meanwhile, Die is still in the alternate timeline where Spades Slick is dead. Die does not like this timeline because he does not want to spend the rest of his life in the desert amidst the ruins of a dead civilization, so he pulls the pin on his voodoo doll/time traveling device. The trouble is that when Die returns to the timeline where Spades Slick is alive, Die dies. Spades Slick opts to keep the voodoo doll, which he feels might prove to be helpful in eventually destroying Lord English who is rumored to be unkillable except through spacetime loopholes.

The new tally of destruction is now 29 of 1000 clocks destroyed and 5 of 15 green torsos destroyed.

The next few pages are mostly various Midnight Crew members trying to get the drop on various Felt members while various Felt members try to get the drop on various Midnight Crew Members. This occasionally involves following trails of blood and more temporal shenanigans. It is like Spy vs. Spy with time travel. At one point in time, there is an explosion courtesy of a bomb that was under Doze’s hat and increases the kill count to 7 of 15 dead green torsos and 107 clocks destroyed.


Part Twenty Four | Part Twenty Six


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Filed under apocalyptic, fantasy elements, homestuck, Reading, science fiction, web comic

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