Reading Homestuck Part Thirty: ==> Dave: Illegally pirate your friend’s grist!

From hereto here.

 The Authority Regulator is entirely overwhelmed by the Parcel Mistress, but duty comes first! He cannot surrender the parcels PM must deliver because they are illegal contraband. PM will have to petition AR’s superiors for the release of the items! PM points out that she has an official document requesting the items, but AR is only able to give her the envelope. PM puts the envelope into one of the nearby mailbox-things which are called Pyxis. She is forced to follow the Derse Agent, who still has the package.

Next, John is directed to chase after the mysterious gentleman who has absconded with John’s Sassacre book. John is not able to do this, because the salamander village is on fire. John very stupidly chucks his Barbasol Bomb at the fire. (John has never read the label of a can of shaving cream. He therefore is not aware that the stuff is flammable.) Fortunately, a convenient breeze turns up and puts out all the fire. The townspeople praise him for having put out the fire!

The person doing the directing asks John to carve something on the tablet he found. John is very cooperative, though he is crappy at drawing and he’s currently being bounced around by bubble blowing salamanders. While John is drawing on commission, Rose is directed to look for her sprite. Rose is not able to find him. Rose is also being pestered by Dave but Rose doesn’t know this. What she does find are some footprints, so she follows them.

She finds the foundation of the cat mausoleum. The secret entrance is still there, but logically, it no longer leads to the secret lab. Rose is directed to head down into the passage. When she reaches the end of it, she finds herself back outside, on a long pier. At the end of the pier is a rope and a martini glass. It seems that someone (Mom) has taken a boat somewhere. In the next seen we see a tiny white speck that is either the boat, or one of the islands. The person directing Rose states: A Mother will do whatever is best for her children.

Meanwhile, WV is directed to become the mayor of Exile Town. He rebuilds his town with an angle toward catching the eye of a certain lady. AR thinks WV’s town is dumb. Specifically, he thinks it is dumb because there is no town militia, so he begrudgingly supplies one. WV is appreciating the evening, when a huge egg-shaped object appears in the night sky. The thing lands with a huge crash.

 The next command is for Jade to give Dave the punch card of an eggy looking thing. Dave uses this to create a totem which in turn results in an egg. Then Dave pesters Jade. They have an argument about where Jade put things and what Dave is supposed to do with the egg shaped object. The next direction is for Dave to make the world’s biggest omelette. Before Dave can do anything about the egg, the crow sprite dives down and takes the egg. The crow sprite has made a nest for itself out of broken swords and vaguely obscene puppets on top of the radio tower. It apparently wants to hatch the egg shaped object! Meanwhile, meteors are beginning to fall in the distance.

 Next, Jade is directed to deploy the punch designix. She is not able to do this because she does not have any shale. The next direction is for her to check “unknown objects.” They are clearly having some budgeting problems because there are a lot of things they can’t afford to buy and therefore, deploy. We also learn that with each server/client connection, more things become available. (Dave notes that they are learning new things about the game. I suppose this is an ironic comment meant to underscore “…and yet we are still in danger of not getting anything done in time.”)

 The next direction is for Jade to deploy “green and white compact disk.” This is the Sburb beta copy that Dave no longer needs. Dave asks what he’s supposed to do with them. Jade is extremely enigmatic and tells Dave that he should keep them until later and then to, “just do whatever you are naturally compelled to do with them!” This is a very weird answer, but Dave agrees.

 The next item to deploy is a “circuit board thingie,” that is actually a Jumper Block Extension. (The name of the thing is right next to it!) This item is and addition the alchemiter, which is currently on top of one of the ac units. (So she can’t deploy the Jumper Block until she moves the alchemiter.) She moves the alchemiter to the roof and then deploys and connects the Jumper Block to the alchemiter. The next thing she is directed to do is “attempt to deploy captchalogue disk drive.” The narrator continues to be annoyed that someone is not reading the names of the devices that are right next to the objects. The “captchalogue disk drive” is actually called a Punch Card Shunt.

 Dave is directed to insert the card with the CD into the slot. Nothing happens because the card needs to be punched. This means that Dave really needs the designix. Dave is directed to insert the disc into the computer and install software. (Meanwhile, Rose is fighting imps with her knitting needles.) The software that is installing is something called “gristtorrent.exe.” Dave uses this program to snitch some of John’s shale so that he can acquire a designix. Dave is directed to take even more grist from John, since he has a lot already.

Meanwhile, Rose is being directed to consult with John. They confer, and it becomes clear that they are in very different places. Rose is also being pestered by one of the trolls, and also by Dave. Rose speaks to the troll first. This individual is identified by a teal Libra sign and goes by the handle of gallowsCallibrator. She makes fun of Rose and does not seem to be very helpful. She also declares that she hates Rose and the other three kids, even though she is aware that eventually “the others” will be more friendly toward the kids. Rose tries to clarify some information she has from John about the trolls, but gallowsCallibrator is not the most helpful supposed alien in the world, (any world, really).

Eventually, gallowsCallibrator gives Rose some game information about the voice Rose has been hearing in her head. Apparently, part of the game mechanics involves getting hopefully helpful advice and direction from “Exiles” who are residing on the players home world (which is now a desolate post-apocalyptic wasteland). These exiles are expatriates from the two kingdoms (Derse and Prospit) who are ironically fated to restore life on the apocalyptic planet once they get done helping the players. There is apparently an event called The Reckoning which is supposed to occur, during which the exiles are expatriated. Rose asks when this event is supposed to take place but the troll’s helpfulness abruptly dries up and she ends the conversation.

The next link is somewhat ominous! “Meanwhile, the past pulls a mean double reacharound.”  

Part Twenty Nine | Part Thirty One


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Filed under fantasy elements, homestuck, Reading, science fiction, web comic

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