Reading Homestuck Part Thirty Two:== >adiosToreador: Attempt to serve Dave crisp bunches of honey and verbal Annihilation!

From hereto here.

John finds Dad’s extremely smashed up car which has been surrounded by yellow caution tape. He sees that the package and the game are now missing. He also realizes that he is being pestered by someone. It is gallowsCallibrator and she apparently wants to help John, even though he cruelly makes fun of her blindness and leet-speak. John is not at all willing to receive her help! gallowsCallibrator, however is insistent, and sends him a map of his world.

The map however is horrible, because blind girl. (She says that she used the colors that tasted the best.)  Despite evidence and an open admission that she is messing with him and/or the timeline, John somehow lets himself be talked into accepting directions from gallowsCallibrator. She gives him directions to an area that will allow him to reach the gate faster.

Meanwhile, Rose is directed to strife. She is extremely dangerous with her knitting needles! She stabs an ogre in the eyes and rides him down the falls! (The direction reads “knit the scarf, ride the ogre.”) When she gets to the bottom of the falls, Dave pesters her. He has been building her house. He snarks about the house’s general appearance and advises her to finish of the ogre so he can use the grist. Rose however is reluctant to kill the creature. Comparative morality is discussed and then both Rose and Dave are pestered by trolls. Rose is contacted by adiosToreador and Dave by grimAuxiliatrix.

grimAuxiliatrix has contacted Dave in hopes of getting some insight into Rose. She is apparently under the impression that Dave is the one in charge in the prickly briar of snark and teasing that is the Rose and Dave relationship. Dave is extremely unhelpful as you are when a troll is attempting to awkwardly dish with you about your favorite armchair Freudian analyst bookshrew. He gives grimAuxiliatrix some advice on getting Rose’s attention and sends her on her way.

Meanwhile, adiosToreador attempts to get information on how to get to Dave from Rose! He approaches from an angle of potential mutual antagonism and it is very clear that like grimAuxiliatrix, he does not really understand the nature of Rose and Dave’s relationship. He attempts to learn about Dave’s weaknesses from Rose. This goes about as well as you can expect. She tells adiosToreador that the best way to get Dave’s goat would be poetry. In fact, she recommends that adiosToreador feed Dave: crisp bunches of honey and verbal annihilation to him as part of a complete breakfast. She even offers to help him come up with a poem.

adiosToreador declares that he does not need Rose’s help in coming up with some sick fires to broil Dave with. He heads off after making a few snarky comments and then blocks her. Then he unblocks her and apologizes for blocking her. adiosToreador seems more like an awkward puppy dog than someone who can unleash crisp bunches of honey and verbal annihilation.

Next, Rose is contacted by grimAuxiliatrix. Rose is informed by grimAuxiliatrix that she has acquired information on how to deal with Rose via Dave. We learn that this is the seventh time grimAuxiliatrix has spoken to Rose, though this is only the second time for her. We also learn that the next conversation will be the first time that grimAuxiliatrix will be speaking to Rose, and that grimAuxiliatrix has thoughtfully provided a transcript for Rose so that past grimAuxiliatrix will underestimate Rose during the first conversation. I think. When confronted with temporal shenanigans of this nature my head explodes. The conversation ends with Rose implying that grimAuxiliatrix has a thing for Dave. grimAuxiliatrix departs and Rose says that she’s going to talk to her dead cat. (We get a brief glimpse of the Virgo troll.)

Then Dave is directed to answer adiosToreador. This conversation goes about as well as the first one did. adiosToreador attempts to rap, but Dave clearly has no interest. This does not deter our Motherfudging troooooollll. He raps at Dave, but there is no response beyond the initial “dont care.” We get a view of adiosToreador. He is very impressed with himself and believes that he has started some sick fires.

Meanwhile, John is being blown out of a pipe, along with a lot of his stuff and a lot of tar. His bunny ends up going downstream. John goes after it. He is directed to “reunite with loving wife and daughter.” This results in a parody of the scene in Con Air that John is especially obsessed with. John gives the bunny to a baby Salamander. Then he is interrupted by carcinoGeneticist. carcinoGeneticist is extremely annoyed that John seems to be goofing around. Somehow they end up talking about movies and carcinoGeneticist is extremely annoyed that John is not accepting his metaphorical olive branch!

We learn that troll movie titles tend to be extremely long and very descriptive. This is due to having thousands of years of film history and apparently a deep seated desire for all of them to have unique titles. Eventually carcinoGeneticist learns that John and gallowsCallibrator are working together on something, which he does not like the idea of! Then John asks ifcarcinoGeneticist has spoken to Jade yet. He has not! There is also some commentary from John about how the trolls are basically trolling each other via John and the other kids.   

John’s next direction is to answer GC. They exchange a conversation that seems to indicate that gallowsCallibrator is typing to him from at least several minutes in the past. She tells him to look behind him and see where the shortcut took him.  He is now in front of his Denizen’s palace. The Denizen is basically the Big Bad John is supposed to defeat. GC says that in the normal set of circumstances, the Denizen is supposed to wake up during the course of the game and there is supposed to be a huge boss fight. GC claims that it is possible to kill the Denizen while it is still asleep. Then she helps him get back to his house.

The next command is for WV and AR to prepare a gift for WQ.

Part Thirty One | Part Thirty Three

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Filed under fantasy, homestuck, Reading, science fiction, web comic

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