Reading Homestuck Part Thirty Five:==> TA, fix GA’s computer! (For the last time, there’s nothing to fix!)

From here to here.

 John explores Rose’s room. He avoids his present, due to a strange feeling of guilt. He also receives a peculiar keysmash pester from Dave, which he disregards. The next command is for John to look at a book. The book is a collection of poetry and philosophy supposedly written by Charles Barkley. John is directed to take the book, which he does. He’s then directed to open his present.

 It’s a bunny.  A Frankenbunny who is half plush, half knit.

 You can probably guess what the next directions are.

 Rose also enclosed a letter to John. It is a very sentimental letter!

John puts the bunny back in the box, using a method referred to as a “Chaos Dunk.” Then he lets the salamander he named Casey out of the sylladex. He plans on leaving her with Rose, since the upcoming quest might be too dangerous for a baby salamander. He notes that the bunny Rose gave him and the other bunny are virtually identical to each other, except for the knitting. Then he notices that a troll is pestering Rose.

Kanaya talks to John, thinking that she is talking to Rose, because grimAuxiliatrix does not actually know how to use the “viewport” of her messenger. John basically trolls the heck out of poor grimAuxiliatrix, but since grimAuxiliatrix was haphazardly attempting to troll Rose, it is difficult to feel sorry for her at this point. After some more talking, they end the conversation.

We move to the next scene where we see GA at the computer in some kind of computer lab. Behind her is gallowsCalibrator, who has a red and white cane. GA trolls someone with the handle twinArmageddons He is the IT guy and he is a very cranky dude! GA wants TA to come help her, but TA claims that he is too busy. He tells her to do something with the F1 key, but she claims that her keyboard doesn’t have one. He also believes that everyone is going to die. He also thinks the entire “troll the kids” thing is a waste of time. He is also not very sympathetic to GA’s plight and feels that people who can’t figure out computers should not go near them.

On the next page we the face of another troll, who is probably TA. He has red and blue glasses and choppy bangs. Someone throws an F1 key at him. That person may or may not have been GA, who decides to hassle him.

 Next, Rose and Dave are instructed to shut up and jam. This is an [S] command. Once the screen loads, you can play various tunes on Dave’s music mixing equipment. Meanwhile, Lil Cal is bopping around Dave’s dream bedroom until Rose gets annoyed and throws him out the window. Next, Rose is instructed to be the pony, and then follow Mom.

We see Maplehoof, who follows Mom into some ruins. We see that a lot of grist has been left behind, indicating something extremely huge must have been slain recently. Maplehoof is directed to collect the grist, which she does, storing it in Rose’s grist cache. (We are not sure how the pony is able to do this.) The narrative lets us know that this is way too much grist for a player of Rose’s level. The grist overload is re-routed thanks to a Grist Torrent utility called “Grist Gutter” that transfers the grist to other players.

Maplehoof is directed to proceed, and she encounters Rose’s Mom, who transportalizes to some other location as Maplehoof watches. The narrative tells us that Maplehoof is leery of attempting the transportalizer because the transportalizer would probably cut her in half, even though the narrative also tells us that Maplehoof is too stupid to know this. It turns out that Maplehoof is able to use the transportalizer, if she rears up.

John is directed to be the hat, and find Dad. (Rose stops being a pony just in time for John to be a hat! I am still pretty amused by the way point of view changes occur, even after seeing endless variations of this in dozens fan works and meta posts.) The hat is blown away in the wind until it serendipitously reaches Dad. We learn that Dad was also able to locate a replacement shoe in a similarly serendipitous fashion!

Dad encounters Grandpa Harley, who has the huge joke book. It not certain of any words were exchanged between these two gentlemen. Grandpa heads into a building, with Dad following him, when Grandpa transportalizes, Dad does as well. (Mirroring the way Maplehoof followed Mom.)

Next, John uses Rose’s alchemiter to try out a code given him by Davesprite. This creates an immense hammer called Fear No Anvil. It is so big that he wouldn’t be able to use it even with his ghost gloves. (It is also extremely expensive.) He is directed to shrink the hammer. He is able to create a much smaller version that isn’t as expensive to make. It is an extremely cool looking hammer with clockwork parts. John pesters Davesprite,  and we learned that he got the hammer from Hephaestus, whom Davesprite refers to as a really tough to kill dude. (Psst. It’s his Denizen.) Davesprite was able to get the hammer from Hephaestus using “shenanigans” instead of killing him.

Next, Rose is directed to look at Dave’s computer. Via the computer, she is able to see that John is messing around with her alchemiter. This causes Rose to wake up.

Meanwhile, TA is directed to fix GA’s computer. TA would like us to know that there is nothing to fix. All you have to do is open the viewport, it’s easy.  (For some reason, I find this to be ridiculous levels of funny. I have worked with people who were as bad at computers as GA and that patient exasperation from TA is just entirely “IT guy showing someone how to do something AGAIN.” It is entirely perfect.)

Part Thirty Four | Part Thirty Six

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Filed under homestuck, Reading, science fiction, web comic

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