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Reading Homestuck Part Forty Five: Aradia > Be the dead red Aries

(I’m sorry. I’m not sorry. I could not resist putting in a reference to the fan work “Dead Red Virgo” in this title.)

From here to here.

We are switched to a vague teaser of the last unseen troll! We see a cuttlefish, which is being prodded by a trident held in the hands of another troll. We don’t see very much of this last troll, but she wears a lot of bling and a Pisces sign. She is also kind of cute. Continue reading

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Reading Homestuck Part Forty Four: Tavros> Learn why you shouldn’t play games for girls

From here to here.

While Sollux flips his lid, we get introduced to the silly cat girl troll! The silly cat girl’s name is Nepeta Leijon and she is possibly only silly to trolls, because she is actually a fierce huntress living a somewhat feral existence. She is also a romantic who really likes to speculate on romantic relationships. Her “trolltag” is arsenicCatnip and her quirk involves using a smiley reminiscent of her lusus, who is a large cat with two mouths. Nepeta is directed to retrieve claws from arms. It turns out that she is secretly Wolverine, and she has gauntlets that produce very long sharp blades. It is basically a cestus from heck. (Or in this case, Alternia, which is pretty much heck.) Continue reading

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Reading Homestuck Part Forty Three: > Sollux: You do not ever eat the mind honey!

From here to here.

At this point, Sollux’s lusus is raising a ruckus. The reason involves meteors that are beginning to fall outside. (Sollux lusus is a two headed Cyclops, or rather, a bicyclops.) The creature is so large it has to live on the roof of Sollux “hivestem.” There appear to be some slight parallels between Sollux and his lusus and Dave and his Bro. This should not surprise anyone, since Sollux is defined as “the cool kid” of the trolls. (There are also some parallels between Dave and Sollux which will become slightly more apparent if you think about them.) Continue reading

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Reading Homestuck Part Forty Two: >Sollux: Try to stop the inevitable disaster! Fail miserably!

From here to here.

The “crabby customer” is a giant crab monster! This crab monster is the closest thing Karkat has to parental caregiver. Trolls are brood parasites who are adopted by monsters known as “lusus naturae.” After troll grubs pupate in the brood caverns and complete a number of trials, they are chosen by one of these lusus naturae who take them to the surface where “carpenter droids” build them homes to their specifications. It should be noted that the majority of adult trolls are not on the surface of the planet. Alternia is pretty much The Girl Who Owned a Lord of the Flies City Jungle Book.

Trolls sure are weird! (This is going to be a continuing refrain.) Continue reading

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Reading Homestuck Part Forty One: Karkat: Insist on being the Leader!

From here to here.

After a scene transition, we are introduced to gallowsCalibrator. Her name is Terezi Pyrope! She likes dragons a whole lot, and decorates her home with dragon scales and collects dragon plushies known as Scale Mates. She wants to be a “legislacerator” when she grows up and often role plays being one! Alternian law is very violent and brutal, if you couldn’t tell from a job title like “legislacerator.” (The job is something like a lawyer but also like a bounty hunter. I would compare them to the Assassin’s Guild in C.J. Cherryh’s Foreigner novels, but atevi Assassins are much more reasonable. And also, they are much cooler.) Her typing quirk (which all trolls seem to use) is writing in all caps and using the numbers of the Blind Prophets. (The numbers 3, 1, and 4, respectively.) She is currently the leader of the Red team, which will be competing against the Blue team. Continue reading

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Reading Homestuck Part Forty: ==> Karkat: Talk to your annoying friends!

From here to here.

We get the second recap which lists everything that had gone on before. Since the purpose of this entire re-read recap is to go over what has already happened, there is absolutely nothing to report about it! I do however advise reading it when you get to it yourself. Next up is Act 5!

Act 5 takes place on a strange alien world with a pink moon and a green moon. This world is called Alternia, and somewhere there is a young troll and it is his “wriggling day.” Today he will begin a game, and Things Will Happen. Welcome to Hivebent, please keep your extremities inside the vehicle the entire time and do not attempt to feed the trolls. We hope you enjoy your stay. Continue reading

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Reading Homestuck Part Thirty Nine: ==> John: Start handing out rabbits!

From here to here.

CG trolls John and gives John more information about what is going to happen next. John would like wait before starting the reckoning, but CG says that there is no way to stop it. He also complains that John is going to be doing something stupid with rabbits at some point in the near future. John asks CG what makes the kids session go so badly. CG’s answer is that “Jack Noir” is the reason why the session goes badly and subsequently ruins CG’s session.

The version of Jack Noir in the trolls’ game helped the trolls by exiling the Black Queen so they only had to face the Black King. The trolls’ Jack was also exiled and continued to aid the trolls. Meanwhile, something happens to the kids Jack Noir that results in the trolls’ session being completely ruined. The trolls are currently hiding out from an extremely homicidal and completely unhinged Jack Noir and passing the time by trolling the kids. Then CG accidentally gives John the inspiration to play act his favorite scene from Con Air.

The following prompt is an [S] prompt! Two of the babies get rabbits to cheesily sung lyrics. (I am sorry but I could not listen to the lyrics and watch the animation at the same time. It is a song presumably from the movie. It is horribly cheesy and I share CG’s complete and total horror. Baby Jade and Baby Rose both get rabbits but Jade is the only one who seems to like hers. CG facekeyboards in sheer horror, and then gallowsCalibrator makes an appearance and mocks his pain. This is the end of Act Four!

(PSYCH!) It goes on for a few more pages

Next, we see someone making like Macbeth’s wife! (Okay not really.) Dave is understandably freaked out about having to dispose of the body of his alternate self. Dave gets trolled by GC shortly after disposing of his body. (I’ll take “sentences you never thought would make sense in context” for two thousand Alec.) GC wants to know what Dave’s blood smells and wants him to taste it. He tells her where she can stick those suggestions. They talk some more and GC complains about all of the Daves and sends him a very silly altered picture. They continue needling each other and GC sends another picture that is meant to represent Dave. Somehow, they end up on amicable terms!

Jade is trolled by AT, our comically inept troll friend. He talks to Jade’s dreamself about a variety of things, such as CG trying to contact her, the general confusion of her timeline and wanting to prank her. We learn that Jade has a very limited amount of time left before contact will be lost. We have some indication that AT is the only one who contacts her when she’s asleep. We also learn that the trolls dream selves are all dead. AT says that the only time he liked the game was when he was dreaming. Then he ends the conversation. The next panel is AT, who is a troll boy with longhorn type horns.

Rose gets trolled by GA. Rose is impatient and in the middle of a battle, and GA is snippy and angry. She apparently wants to be Rose’s friend but is not happy that her attempts at befriending have thus far been unsuccessful. GA has also not figured out that John had pranked her previously. GA wants to know if Rose is annoyed by something that happened in a previous conversation that GA has not had yet. Rose confirms this and then ends the conversation.

Next, GC continues to troll Dave. Dave also appears to be busy, but is able to have a more or less amicable exchange with GC who sends him another picture. This picture is a Back to the Future pinball machine with scribbles to indicate that the two men cosplaying characters from the movie are meant to be Bro and Dave. Then Dave asks GC if she has seen Bro and she says that Dave does not meet him before the “Rift.” GC tells Dave not to worry about not having his Bro around (he denies being upset about the absence of his Bro but GC does not believe him) then she offers to help Dave in place of his Bro. She tells him about a point further in Dave’s timeline and gives him directions. She also makes fun of something that will happen to him further along in the timeline, because GC is just classy like that.

The next [S] command is “Descend.”

 During this animation, we see Dave’s entrance to the session, witness Jack Noir killing the Black and White Kings and see the White Queen absconding from Prospit. Jack Noir next attacks WV’s revolutionaries. Bro cuts the meteor heading for the apartment in half and later will be tangling with Jack Noir. The eight babies get sent to their respective points in time. We also see Jade attempting to rescue John’s dream self, unfortunately, she puts her own dream self in harm’s way to do it. We see the very large ship with John’s Dad and Rose’s Mom. Another thing that occurs is the creation of Becquerel. There is a very brief moment where we see a Squiddles™ cartoon. We also see a line commemorating the 413th day of the comic. (4-13-2009 to 5-31-2010.)

NOW we’re at the end of Act Four.

We next see the final entry of Rose’s game faq. She is not a very happy camper and seems to have had certain dark epiphanies. Her final words are that she will put the game faq on a remote server in the Outer Ring for future players to read, and that magic is real. Then she signs the faq with her initials. Then the entry fades into a strange pixelated fog and then darkness.

Next we see that hours in the future the Warweary Villein has arrived on a post-apocalyptic Earth and has become a vagabond. We also see that he is wearing John’s sheets. WV remembers the aftermath of the battle where Jack Noir basically killed everyone. He finds a Jack doll, and tears it apart. Then John’s ghost sheet makes an appearance and he puts that on instead of his clothes. (You know, this is kind of horrifyingly sad in a funny way. WV is wearing something he believes is emblematic of the people he had led to their deaths during his revolution. But it’s a sheet with ghosties on it.)

Meanwhile, dream self-John finds dream-Jade’s body. He takes the ring she’s still wearing. When he looks up he sees himself in the clouds, which are displaying and image of his destination, according to the narrative. Hours in the future we see PM who has replaced her clothes with a Prospitian banner. We see that previously, PM had been in a battle after which she arranges a meeting with Jack Noir and exchanges the crowns of the White King and Queen for the parcel. Jack Noir honors the agreement!

Meanwhile, PM and John cross paths! PM delivers the package to John. John looks somewhat confused! He finds a somewhat confusing letter from someone he does not know, but who knows him. The contents of the box according to the letter include “Royal Deringer,” “Quills of Echidna,” and “Ahab’s Crosshairs.” There is a second letter, this one from Jade who tells him about her penpal (the writer of the first letter). Continue reading

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